I have a quirk about me regarding situations that I’m to face in the future that don’t sit well with me. For instance, I’ve decided to cut my hair today. Not just a trim or a really different style, but I’m actually cutting my hair off. My hair has not been shorter than shoulder length for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid I said I’d never cut it. I actually wanted to grow it past my butt and I got pretty close until a few years ago when I arbitrarily cut it to my shoulders. I went in to have a trim and cut about 12 inches off. Shocked the crap out of everyone around me and it looked really good. I found a style that looks even better but it is only chin length and I’m scared to do it. Ok so it may end up not looking great…I won’t be hideous and it will grow back. My hair grows about 4 inches a year until it reaches the small of my back so no worries at all. Still…I’m flat out butterflies in the belly, shaking hands, dry mouth, nervous swallowing, scared.
The quirk comes into play here. When I’m faced with a situation that I’m fearful of, if I refuse to back down and do it anyway, suddenly I’m faced with a ton of things that otherwise wouldn’t bug me. Right now I’m worried about a friend and a comment they made to me last night, I’m sad about something I did which is really pointless (left an in game guild in WoW), I’m worried about money I spend and books I read, my job performance, whether my husband loves me, and whether I’m being a good mother. I know that if I just decided not to go get my hair cut all of that would go away. It’s weird.
I want to get my hair cut though. I want to see what it looks like. Maybe it will shorten the time I spend on myself too. So I’m forcing myself through it. Here goes nothing. Either way, this will all be over in a few short hours.
